Sunday, August 16, 2009

Sew You Think You Can Dance

According to Women’s Wear Daily, Katie Holmes is moving on from her Scientology-ing and her appearing in overhyped Broadway revivals and her auditioning for the next Hollywood musical, by venturing into the fashion industry. She'll be partnering with her stylist Jeanne Yang to launch her own clothing line, which will include "premium women's clothes and children's wear inspired by her daughter, Suri."

Apparently, this new hobby started with their collaboration on the dress she wore to last year's Tropic Thunder premiere.

Okay, so it's a blue velvet pencil skirt with matching bra, and several strips of that tape you put around tennis rackets to improve the grip. Not exactly haute couture. Hawt shoes, though.

Katie is the latest in a line of many celebrities to get their own clothing line: Jessica Simpson, Milla Jovovich, Elizabeth Hurley, Christy Turlington, Jaclyn Smith, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Kanye West, Sean "Puffalicious" Combs, Victoria Beckham, Gwen Stefani, Bono, Lauren Conrad, and Daisy Fuentes. I won't talk smack about Ms. Fuentes because her tops are super-cute and comfortable, and they wash really well. Trufax.

What qualifies one to have a clothing line? Surely said celebrity would have to have at the very least a sense of style. But some of them don't even seem to have a sense of sight, or a sense of touch, or a sense of decency really. There's a reason Katie is so frequently featured on the pages of Go Fug Yourself.

Exhibit A: After health care reform, let's talk about high-waisted pants reform.

Exhibit B: She's a lumberjack, in gladiator sandals, and she's not okay.
Exhibit C: Nylon stirrup leggings? Even the Chicago ensemble wouldn't go there.

Exhibit D: Fuchsia cardigan plus red high heels plus pegged acid-washed jeans equals casual wear fail.

Exhibit E: I did try to make this photo less of an assault on your retinas by using my Photoshop magic, but even my computer declared "Aw, hell no!"

I don't know if you'll rush right down to your local Maxfield store this fall to fill your wardrobe with offerings from the Holmes & Yang line. I'll admit that almost all of my clothes come from Kohl's or Goodwill so I can't really comment on fashion do's and don'ts (as if that would stop me). But I think we can all agree on one thing: that Jaclyn Smith sure knows what she's doing.

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